mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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