It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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