I'm going to jail i love you
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
