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• (248): View more from Michigan

  i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  did you know it's going to storm tonight?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.

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• (366): View more from

  just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.

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• (972): View more from Texas

  You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.

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• (510): View more from California

  That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Julius Caesar had a huge penis

  (812): View more from Indiana

  WTF are you reading?

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Did u have a 2nd thought

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I need a new booty call.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex

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