I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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