Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
