you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't deserve a penis
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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