I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
