The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
