I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
