Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
