now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
smell my finger.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
