So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
