Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As shirtless as possible
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
