My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
