So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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