The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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