So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
