last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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