that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
