Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
