I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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