We won't sleep together?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
