I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
