Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
