i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
