We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
