It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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