YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
