Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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