dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
