THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
