i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
