How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
