Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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