I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
