the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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