I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
