Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
