my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
