I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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