White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
