What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I didn't notice because vodka
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
