I looked at my own cervix.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
