So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
