i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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