she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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