Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
