If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
