I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
