The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
