So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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