Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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