Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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