Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
