Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
