WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my shit smells like andre
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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