i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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