sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
