I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
