So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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