Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
