I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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