Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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