would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
