Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
