Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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