Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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