Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
