Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
