He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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