White coat. Heels.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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