I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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