I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
