I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you have feelings for this penis?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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